I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before but when I developed a plan to deal with my depression, the first thing I did was sign up for counseling. I’ve been through counseling before and it’s been wildly helpful and I love talking through stuff – seriously. Lol. As it would turn out, I actually have two therapists which I love because they both bring so much to the table, and they come from different perspectives.
In any case, after we spoke about a lot I was given homework, which I think is great! Even if I tend to not write it down and forget a few days later 
This week’s homework though is to answer the question “What does passion look like to me?”. We’ve been talking about how I think I don’t know what I want, and how I think that I don’t know what my passion is but really deep down I most certainly do. And I have for some reason been telling myself that I don’t know, and that it’s not good enough. Thus the homework for this week.
I came back from my appointment, and while taking a few minutes to myself got distracted and sucked into beautifully written posts about life and love and hurt and joy. This paragraph though, this changed everything.
Your needs will not magically go away while your child is sick. Fill them. Go on dates, even if it’s just a walk to the cafeteria for terrible coffee. Forget about making things look like they’re okay. They’re not. Hunt for joy. If you find it twinkling in the dark, dark night, it is meant to be found. It is no mistake. Pick it up and take it with you. You’re going to need it later. Above all, accept every single scrap of kindness that is offered. The web they weave will hold you when the bottom drops out and hard reality rushes up to meet you. Memories of awkward hugs from strangers and mowed lawns and pans of lasagna will help. I promise. – Momastery
I still remember the day that a woman from our church brought over meatloaf and mashed potatoes for our family when my youngest son Noah was born. I was a new mom with two stepchildren and beautiful newborn and two hours of sleep. I was delirious and feeling pretty much nothing at that point. But I remember how impact-full it was to know that someone whom I didn’t know very well (we had only been attending a couple of months) took time out to think of us, cook us a meal and then deliver it to us. I’m getting choked up just thinking about it.
When I read that paragraph, I admitted to myself what I am passionate about. Helping others, making them feel loved and spreading kindness to strangers.
That is what I’m passionate about. And it’s not glamorous and it’s not flashy and it’s not going to win me any prizes. But it will change the world and that’s what I’m here to do. And if I ever make it about wanting to be known – then I know I need to reset my heart.
So perhaps tonight I’ll finally just rest in that. I’ll let myself know that I have found my passion, it was here all along and I will let myself dream. Dream about what is to come. Dream about what I could do. Dream about my dream. Dream about my passion. Dream about the wonder of God.
And tomorrow I’ll find the courage to act those things out. To dare to be different. To live a life that changes the world, in my way, the way that I have been called to.
Hope restored. Love abounds. Heart is full. It’s a good day!
– Jess
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