A Letter to Myself: Remember This

Dear Jess,

I want you to remember this. This night when your beautiful boy fell asleep on the ride home at 5:45pm. Remember the excitement of the possibility of a night alone with the hubby. Remember the heartache when you realized that a quiet night isn’t what you really wanted, you wanted to play with your boy. You wanted to hear about his day and to cuddle him and smell his hair.

Remember this feeling the next time he asks you to play with him and you’re about to do the dishes.

They can wait.

Remember this feeling the next time everyone wakes up late and all he wants to do is get your attention.

Getting dressed and ready can wait.

Remember this feeling when he is extra whiny at the end of a long day and instead of hiding from it, embrace him and love him.

Because these days are going by much too fast and the more I work, the more I miss him and the more he misses me. Trying to live more intentionally for me means that I want to notice when my son needs some more time with me. I want that day when I didn’t get to be with him at all to be a reminder to make as many special moments as I can, whenever I can, because that morning I didn’t. I was in a hurry to get out the door. Remember that little guy with the blue eyes is more important than the housework and he is more important than you wearing make up to work.

Finally, really make sure to remember this when he wakes you up at 6:20am on the next day. He misses you too, and he is ready to take on the day, with you, his mom, that he loves oh so much.

Don’t ever forget that you are doing a great job! While you’re worried about your mistakes, he’s there thinking about how awesome you are! Go hold him and play with him and show him what fun is.

I love you.

– Me 🙂

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Things That Make Me Happy

Yes it’s a cliche post. No I don’t care. 😛 I want to show you both sides of my life and I realize that I talk a lot more about the hard parts than the happy parts. I also realize that the more I do that, the more I feed into those hard parts too. So today I’m choosing to look up and share some things that currently make me happy. And some cute kid pics, because who doesn’t love that! 😉

Doing Crafts with the Kids
I love to draw and paint and craft and express my creativity and thankfully so do my boys! I also love that my 2year old decided it was more fun to paint his leg than the assigned crafts – that’s my boy 🙂

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Going To The Library
Ever since we moved from a small town to an even smaller town we’ve taken the kids to the library a bunch of times. Loving the age and season appropriate books and loving even more that Noah ASKS to read them. Proud mama here 🙂

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Teaching My Kids Very Important Life Skills
You know, like how to properly rake leaves into a giant pile and jump jump jump into them. I believe everyone should know the pure joy of doing that. Even if I do end up a sniffly, sneezy mess afterwards. 😛

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Really all of these things have something in common. Adventure. Taking life and having some fun in it! That is what I am really so happy and thankful for today!

Go ahead, find the adventure today, jump in a leaf pile, try the new flavor of coffee, draw a picture with finger paint. Tell them I told you to. 😉

– Jess

Progress

It took well over an hour for my youngest , Noah, to fall asleep tonight.

He refused to eat for me as well today and definitely did exactly what I told him not to do, just after I told him not to do it.

It’s days like these that make me want to throw in the towel and recoil into the thought that I’m not doing well at this parenting thing. And then I remind myself that he’s two and things could be worse, temper tantrum in the grocery store worse. Or worse like mommy can’t get out of bed to even try to parent today worse.

Thank God I wasn’t at that point today.

I would have missed the adorable laugh of my toddler. I would have missed his silly ways. I would have missed the crazy things that come out of his mouth and the fact that he all of a sudden, half way through his ice cream, needed a cone.

Today is a good day, today I can see the forest for the trees & brush off the “bad” for all the good. 🙂 This isn’t typical but ill take it. And hopefully when bedtime tomorrow night isn’t going as planned I can remember all the good things about the day and remind myself that I AM a good parent,just like I was able to do tonight.

That my friends is progress in the face of depression!

-Jess

Expectations, Schmexpectations

Some days I just need some encouragement. Not that I set out looking for it, but I usually end up finding it when I need it the most. 

While talking about work catching up on life with my friend, I shared with her that I noticed that for the past few weeks I’ve been really short with my kids. A trait that happens from time to time – like many parents I’m sure – but I really wasn’t sure where this has been coming from.

So while talking through this, I tell her about how I’ve been giving myself a pep talk. “This weekend I’m going to be the best mom and I’m not going to yell and I’ll teach them things and do fun things together”.  In talking to her I realized that I was actually just heaping expectation after expectation on myself…and then the weekend would come and that didn’t happen I was getting upset at myself and that was coming out on the kids. No good right?

My friend said to me “Jess, you ARE a good mom. You ARE doing a great job. And you need to get this “I will be” out of your vocabulary because you ARE a good mom”. 

Gosh, my heart smiles just thinking about how this simple word of encouragement impacted me in such a huge way. 

She reminded me that I AM doing a good job and it helped me and really allowed me to take some pressure off of myself.  That I don’t have to be perfect to be loving. That I may get frustrated but that’s where grace and humility come in and sweep me up in their arms. 

We had an amazing weekend, and I realized that the more that I Iet go of my expectations and the more I focused on love, the better the whole thing is. I felt better, my family was happier and we made memories this weekend. Such great, great memories. All because of her simple words. 

I want to encourage you today to speak those words, spread hope, give love. And if you are the one who needs the encouragement, don’t doubt what they say. Don’t doubt what that friend in your life is telling you. Hold on to that encouragement and tuck it in your heart. It will lift you up when you need it most. 

– Jess 🙂