I went to the doctor this week. The visit was not only an overdue checkup but also to take a new step in my battle with depression. Over the past few weeks my husband has been lovingly telling me how much my depression affects him. He’s awakened me to the fact that most of the time, I’m just sad, or emotionless.
This is NOT how I want to live life.
Partly because of this depression, partly because of my personality I’ve said before that I wanted to get better but at the end of the day it was easier to be sad. It was easier to hide in the comfort zone of depression. I’ve been hiding there for almost 10 years.
My trip to the doctor was to get on some medication that will help me feel again. Feel like myself, feel my feelings, feel good again. I’m on day 2 and I’m just plain excited to be taking this step to move forward.
What was the change you ask? I think I finally realized just how much my feelings and emotions were affecting other people. In particular, my children & husband and really myself. In the pits of your own despair it’s easy to think the feelings that you are having affect only you. It’s easy to believe that you are the only one with the pain and the hurt. Unfortunately our families see the hurt and they hurt for us and sometimes they don’t know how to deal or what to say or what to do.
To say that I’m excited is true. I know that medication is not the miracle cure, I know that it won’t be forever and I know that it’s just a tool. What I’m really excited about is making a change in my life and sticking to it.
Through these changes I’m making I want to get a little more intentional with blogging too because there is a story in this. There are lessons and words that someone needs to hear and I need to write. Writing helps.
Also there were two beautiful blogs that I started reading recently that helped me to know that making the decision to get past this is not only the right thing, it’s also doable. They both offer insight into overcoming the pits of depression but also living with it too.
I’d highly recommend that you check them out:
Over the next couple weeks I’ll be doing a little maintenance around the blog, creating a new look and possible a new name (eek!). I hope you’ll be along for the journey!
– Jess 🙂