Em-bare-assed

There is nothing that drags me down faster than embarrassment!

It doesn’t look like it used to, with a “friend” thinking its funny to pull up my skirt in the middle of the 8th grade wing at school. Everyone laughed. It was horrible, as you can imagine. No, now that I’m in my 30’s embarrassment looks a little different but certainly feels worse.

Have you ever gotten to a place in life where you are like, how the f$#* did I get here?

And when you think to reach out you realize you’ve burned your bridges, and you are embarrassed even ashamed of your choices?

What about starting again? Can’t you look for a new job? Put the baby in day care? Yes. The answer is yes. But what I don’t think anyone understands is how much the thought of all that makes me paralyzed.

I know that I will never be “ready” to do those things, and everyday that I don’t I feel more and more worthless which feeds into the depression and the embarrassment and the guilt and the sitting and doing nothing.

Can you tell it’s been a rough day? 😉

How do you get to “no more excuses”? How does this change? At what point will I stop letting my embarrassment keep me down? At what point will I fight , consistently, day after day?

Please God I hope it’s today. I don’t want to be a “disappointment” anymore. Actually what I really want is that I don’t want to believe lies like that anymore. That is where the fight begins, and maybe that’s where the fight has been all along. In my head.

Have you ever let embarrassment lead your life? How did you get past it?

– Jess

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