I can tell things are changing.
It’s nothing huge and it’s nothing I can necessarily pinpoint. There are certainly more ok days, less bad days, and even a few great days; these days.
Not much has changed in our personal situation, in fact 2013 has dumped more than me and my family than I ever knew could happen to us. So I know it’s not just an external thing that is making it seem like I feel better. No, its internal, it’s inside, things are changing.
This week in my counseling session I told my therapist that I find myself getting angry these days. A feeling that I have never really felt before. I mean I never used to be angry. Ever. Not once would a family member or friend describe me as having that emotion. So to me, it’s new and overwhelming and a little scary.
She looked at me, smiled, and said “I think that’s progress.”
Baffled, i thought didn’t she hear me? Isn’t this bad? I mean anger is not good, right? And then it hit me, I felt something. I mean really felt an emotion other than sadness. For the first time in I don’t know how long I felt another emotion. It’s not my proudest accomplishment. But she’s right it is progress.
Sometimes progress doesn’t look like hearts and flowers and smiley faces. Sometimes progress is a small step outside the invisible box. And I realized that if I can feel something other than nothing, then I bet I can start feeling happy and joyful and compassionate and excitement.
And that my friends, got me excited! 😉