The Shoes

sneakers

These are my new sneakers.
They have been the motivating force in my life since I lost my job a couple months ago.

Yes, sneakers have been motivating me to clean my house, get out and run errands and to get projects done at church. 

They make me feel like I can run, like I’m productive and like I’m actually in shape.

In my professional life a nice pair of pumps would do similar things for me. I’d get dressed up and I’d have a great, confident day. And once I even tweeted that I was certain that adding a blazer to my outfit made me at least 23% more productive. 

I guess I’ve been feeling a little lost without that job that defined me for far too long.

I stared at my sneakers for a long time today. I knew that if I laced up my favorite bright yellow sneakers I would be motivated to do something. But the depression, the sadness in me didn’t want to do anything. In fact I had let it keep me from doing anything all morning. Noah and I watched tv and ate some snacks. And generally felt bad about myself. No fun. 

But I will say this. There is still a small flame, a candle sized light if you will of motivation that is organic enough that I know it is me. Deep down in my soul that little light is my fight and it  wants to burn so brightly. And that my friends was why I eventually put the sneakers on today. 

At this point, I’ll take whatever I can get. Sneakers are working. Chocolate bars are not. Prayers work immensely. Sitting on my couch wishing I’d pray more is not. 

Keeping a positive attitude when you don’t feel like it is exhausting, but so is being so sad, that zaps the energy out of me too.

So maybe I need a new pair of sneakers to get me moving. That’s ok. Because someday I won’t need the sneakers to get me moving. I’ll be needing them to keep up with myself because I’m moving so fast.

– Jess 🙂 

P.S. Special shout out to my husband who I’m more than thankful for. He sees my needs before I know  admit that I even have any. He also has a better eye for things like sneakers than I do and I love that about him! 

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “The Shoes

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s