I spent over an hour yesterday reading about time management and overcoming barriers and generally how to be more productive. Yes I realize the irony of that and I’m ok with it.
Today was supposed to be the day that I got it today. Today was supposed to be the day that I got up on time (fail) got to work on time (double fail) and even started working on my somewhat prioritized to-do list (triple epic fail).
Instead, I woke up late, couldn’t find anything to wear (ladies you know why this is a crisis of epic proportions), was a jerk to my husband in the process and then denied that I was being jerkish because seriously seriously, got to work epically late, and it’s 11am and I’m writing a blog post.
I totally understand why this day has started like it did. I tried to make a resolve that things were going to be different. That today I was going to do the things that God wanted me to do, not my flesh and someone didn’t like that idea. All the enemy had to do was plant one seed – I don’t even know exactly which one it was but that’s all it took to derail me from my day. Or from even getting back on track with my day. Because truth be told I’ve been stewing about all of this for the past three hours.
And even now that I write that I’ve been pulled so far down that even the little resolve that I feel, I’m not sure I can actually move forward. But the great thing is that God just asks me to move. He is just asking me to get started, no matter how small the step. He’ll carry me but I have to move. I. have. to. move.
It’s like when Jesus asked that man if he wanted to be healed.
“When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’” (John 5:6 NIV).
He’d been there for 38 years, surely had he wanted to get healed when the waters stirred he could have found a way. But the man, even though he wanted to be healed, couldn’t find someone to help him.
Sad to say most days my desire to be healed is less than my desire to sit here. And I’m sure I’m waiting for someone to come and help me. But I must do it for myself. I. have. to. move.
God’s calling me to so much more…but I have to move. And if I have to keep saying that over and over and over today I will. I need to get over this feeling – and living by my feelings.
Lord, today as I move in faith I thank you that I know you are there holding me up and giving me strength where I feel like I have none. I thank you that you show me the way and I’m sorry I don’t always listen. Lord, help me to be more obedient to you. I pray all of this in Jesus’s name. Thank you.